Day 2: Slumbering Succotash

In their defense, they tried really hard. The flight got in at around 10am Israeli time, so we were fully greeted by the bright sun illuminating palm trees and the Tel Aviv skyline. It wasn’t for lack of stimulation. I mean: WE’RE IN ISRAEL for Peter’s sake! (We all keep saying that, minus the Peter part, to remind ourselves and to acknowledge the ever-refreshing sense of wonder.) It’s just that all-nighter didn’t help, and the flight might as well have been another all-nighter for the quality and quantity of sleep that it rendered.

In my defense, I didn’t fall asleep right away. It’s just that those bus seats were so much more plushy and pliable and spacious than the airplane seats, and our guide’s voice is just so pleasant to listen to. But anyways, before the nodding and the slumping started, we stopped by the aqueduct. Getting to see and touch and stand in an archway built under the rule of Herod the Great over 2,000 years ago was definitely enough to wake me up for a bit! And running into the wide-open Mediterranean Sea and its salty air was the tower on top of my sand castle. The temperature was perfect and lovely; I could have slept on the beach allllll day in near bliss.

But we headed to a mall where people could get food (some familiar forms, some not). We forwent the McDonalds and Pizza Hut in lieu of some Israeli street food/fast food. “The Jewish Hamburger” is the falafel, but since most forms of it have gluten my friend Kim and I opted for a vegetable plate and hummus (thanks for keeping me strong, Kim!). They have the most colorful salads here: mixtures of cucumber and tomato drizzled with olive oil and mint or parsley, red cabbage soaked in vinegar and olive oil with whole stems of fresh dill…it’s quite colorful and tasty (not to mention good for digestion).

After our meal, and a couple minutes of walking around like human bipeds normally do when they’re not systematically canned into a giant tube of metal 35,000 ft. above ground-level, we got back on the bus. Here inlays the problem: we finally had some decent food and a decent comfort level. Commence the drowsiness!

There were sweet prayers, and passages of Scripture read. There was knowledgeable and insightful and impressively communicated information. And some of that I missed.

I know that we got out of the bus to overlook Nazareth, but other than that I don’t remember too much. I’m again very grateful for their foresight to keep the day’s schedule light and mainly focus on traveling the distance from Tel Aviv to the Sea of Galilee in the North. We arrived at the hotel with time to take a shower and become human again before a wonderful dinner after which I attempted to unearth the mysteries of the wifi and fell asleep.

But it was such a sweet blessing to sleep all the way through the night, and awake again in the hills of Galilee where the wind reminds me of faith and the Light that has shone through every darkness.

Arise, shine; for your Light has come,

and the glory of the LORD has risen upon you.

For behold, darkness will cover the earth

and deep darkness the peoples;

but the LORD will rise upon you

and His glory will appear upon you.

Nations will come to your light,

and kings to the brightness of your rising.

Isaiah 60:1-3

Airport Musings

Another sign of otherness in me was as I encountered people along the way; and when I found myself on the last plane ride between the Holy Land and us, giggling and cuddly with my Mom on the plane, the Lord reminded me that affection was all but plague to me before Love (1 John 4: 7-11) entered my heart to dwell.

I knew even as a young child that I did not have the ability to love my family in my own power. There was a wall there; I couldn’t do it. It was as if that part of the imago Dei was missing from my DNA, that aspect of creaturely-ness withheld. And I was at least aware enough to know that love was something I utterly did not understand.

But there I was: on a plane across the Atlantic Ocean with a closeness to my family and friends that I am neither capable of creating nor maintaining. It is fellowship, and it is a gift from God (1 John 1:7).

Speaking of people, there is something uniquely mosaic about getting on an international flight. But I suppose flight in general has a beautiful aspect of bringing all sorts of people together (into one tight and mostly uncomfortable place). But this flight had Jewish people: some beautiful, some modern, some burly, and some orthodox. What I’m getting at is the sense of self-awareness that comes when your chosen appearance (by way of clothing, grooming, etc.) is starkly contrasted to another or multiples around you.

It wasn’t even the different language that was spoken that heightened the barrier. It was the body language. I tried to smile at them with the love of Christ on more than one occasion, and instantly felt burning judgment from their eyes for my clothing and perceived ignorance I assumed (mainly from the orthodox males). But having a Messianic Jewish friend and knowing the seriousness with which they have made covenant with their eyes and minds and bodies, I found myself dwelling in the background of my mind about this acceptance that I could not and would not be receiving from these people.

And you know what? I found my flesh trying to think of ways that would be good to change to please them, second guessing that I could be wrong about the way I think and dress and interact in public.

Thanks be to the Holy Spirit who revealed the foolishness of that thinking! But it was astonishing and wind-sucking to me how quickly and convincingly those doubts and lies interjected.

One theme it made me think about was human psychology, and the Scripture where God says that,

God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outer appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart

1 Samuel 16:7b

This particular Word was given to Samuel, who anointed the first kings of Israel: Saul and David. God actually spoke it to Samuel while he was trying to figure out from a lineup which of Jesse’s sons God had already chosen to be king. Samuel was using human measurements: power in the form of burliness and commanding presence, weakness in the lack thereof, etc. This is the very reason we are called to walk by faith and not by sight, which basically means we’re walking blind since the passage in Hebrews is pretty clear that faith is the evidence of things unseen.

The real question that was churning in my heart was not actually about whether I should wear a head covering and change into a skirt. The real question was: do you believe Me? Because if I believe Jesus that He has set me free from the law of sin and death into a law of grace and life, in which the Holy Spirit will tell me when there are things (habits, choices, lifestyle, words etc.) that need to change in order to better glorify God, then I am not swayed to change in order to gain man’s approval, whether by the garb of wealthy Americans or Hassidic prayer shawls.

It also made me think of Galatians, Paul’s first letter to a branch of the church of Jesus. This letter is a powerful argument about not being swayed by men into laws (and more importantly the all-consuming mindset of do-this-lists), and holding to the pure faith of the gospel of Christ. There are many other things I could say about this letter, but I’ll save you a chunk of time so you can spend it with Galatians for yourself J

The Word was comforting, clarifying…swaddling in a way as I remembered the sweet command,

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore, keep standing firm, and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

Later on the flight, in that last hour before we landed in Tel Aviv, I studied a passage from 1 Kings (which is awesome by the way). I wondered on the inside what the Jewish people around me were thinking. Did they see me studying the Old Testament? Did they see the colored pencils and become offended? Did they see the contentment on my face, or the way my fingers touched the words on the pages with affection? I don’t know; but it felt like a little victory to quietly spend that time learning about God in public. It felt like standing firm, and believing.

You’ve been so kind to make it this far into the post, and I haven’t even told you the things you wanted to know about yet (ISRAEL)! But I just want to leave you with one last passage. It’s from 1 Kings 8, where Solomon dedicates the temple (the first stationary place of worship to God ever built) with prayer and sacrifice and celebration. At the end of His prayer (which is also beautiful and very rich), he says a blessing in which some of my favorite requests to the Lord are recorded:

May the Lord our God be with us, as He was with our fathers; may He not leave us or forsake us, that He may incline our hearts to Himself to walk in all His ways and to keep His commandments and His statutes and His ordinances, which He commanded our fathers. And may these words of mine, with which I have made supplication before the LORD, be near to the LORD our God day and night, that He may maintain the cause of His servant and the cause of His people Israel, as each day requires, so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the Lord is God; there is no one else. Let your heart therefore be wholly devoted to the LORD our God, to walk in His statutes and to keep His commandments as it is this day.

Packing and Prepping

OK. So I don’t know if it’s my deranged sense of time speaking, or that the floodgates of memory and experience have opened and begun colliding like so many bumper cars or both and more?! But it feels like three days since I left my little apartment in Chattanooga, TN at 4:34am on Tuesday.

Why I left that early is fairly simple and unimportant, but no one really cares about how I wanted a cheaper set of tickets and was therefore willing to have a connection and also needed the layover to be at least 3 hrs in case something went wrong.

In an attempt to be a more productive adult,

not trusting myself to hear an alarm at such an unwanted time of the morning,

and feeling justified that I would not be able to fall asleep even if the attempt were made,

I confess my choice to pull an all-nighter.

There were plenty of things I wanted to do before leaving to keep me busy (like make a fresh batch of homemade toothpaste, and send work emails); and I certainly didn’t get all of them done even with the extra time.

As I reflected and remembered during those hours, the Lord gave me heaps of gratitude. One of the things I realized being grateful for is: fingernails.

Yup. You just read that right. I’m thankful for the icky, dirt-catching bits of keratin that we call fingernails. The kind that give a significant click when you clip, and are thick enough to go flying if you give them the opportunity.

When I came to Israel in 2009, I had an eating disorder. While the general population of people could see that I was skinny, the real issue was a heart issue (more on that later). Most of the arguments people used to point out as symptoms I was able to dismiss with arguments. As far as physical signs of intentional neglect, the only piece of evidence that I couldn’t argue with was my fingernails. They had become weak and easily ripped from the almost-four years of malnourishment and intentional neglect. 

So as I sat and quickly finished grooming my nails and painting them a sensible clear for the trip (because who wants to lug nail grooming supplies across the world to use them only once?), I smiled and thanked the Lord of restoration for this sign of His presence in my heart and mind, that was now manifesting in my body. 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,

and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make straight your paths.

Be not wise in your own eyes;

fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.

It will be healing to your flesh

and refreshment to your bones.

Proverbs 3:5-9

Sabbathing in Israel.

Since there will be a lot of abstract, emotiony, storyish things in the coming posts (as if that isn't already the norm), please allow me to take this moment to say something explanatory and concrete: 

I'm going to Israel. 

Again. 

Instead of posting to social media, I want to take the opportunity to reflect in this space. One of the many things I love about Israel is that I cannot talk about it without testifying to the goodness of the Lord and His relentless, pursuing love. Because the last time I visited Israel in 2009, I was walking in darkness, utterly without hope, and apart from God. 

I don't fully know what this reflection will look like yet, or even how much access to wifi or excess time I'll have to create|upload while in-country; but I am excited.  

I am excited to remember. 

^That^ is a scary statement to my heart. Excitement and remembrance don't mesh like pb&j in me very often. But mostly that's because of my pride. And that little bud (of flesh-eating parasites) feels like it has already taken quite the pruning (with no less than dull shears) this week.

A couple of months ago, my pastor was teaching on parenting from Deuteronomy; and not only was the content nourishing and infused with gospel-perspective, but I discovered something in the Scriptures about Sabbathing that has been transforming my perspective on the Lord of Sabbath. 

Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath of the LORD your God; in it you shall not do any work, you or your son or your daughter or your male servant or your female servant or your ox or your donkey or any of your cattle or your sojourner who stays with you, so that your male servant and your female servant may rest as well as you.
You shall remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, 
and the LORD your God brought you out of there by a mighty hand and by an outstretched arm; 
therefore the LORD your God commanded you to observe the sabbath day. 

Deuteronomy 5:13-15

OK, so God makes it pretty clear that noooooobody is supposed to work on this day (minus the wife, apparently...just kidding). But what exactly are we and our farm animals supposed to do in that 24 hr period?!?

Remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt and 

that the LORD your God brought you out of there 

by His mighty hand and outstretched arm 

This is the only affirmative command given for the sabbath day (since not working would be an omitting command). 

When I first laid eyes on the clear truth of this passage, the notion of Sabbath as a day for ignorant, after-potluck siestas honestly sounded more appealing (and despite what they told me when I was young, I'm still not a fan of naps). My heart sunk with flashbacks of college, all the failed attempts to fit my work into 6 days or blatantly giving in and desecrating the sabbath and my conscience. 

(Don't worry, I'm not saying that students who do homework on Sundays are sinful heathens in need of repentance! I believe the Holy Spirit was calling me to actively rest and trust;and my faith or at least its growth was injured by ignoring the pull to pray with God about Sabbathing and allow Him to change my lifestyle during college.)

Another thing: remembering slavery just doesn't sound like fun. 

But we can all get behind a good rescue story. 

Sometimes reflection about when I was a slave to sin and death (Romans 8:2-3) tempts my heart towards sadness (at best) or masochistic self-condemnation (at worst). 

That's a mouthful, but what it comes down to is that when I reflect on the evil of my heart I am tempted to only see human failures,mine or someone else's (but mostly mine). However, the command to remember slavery in Deuteronomy 5 is not intended to sit there tarred and feathered for the whole day, much less end there. 

Remember God. 

Remember that He saved you, and how He saved you. 

Remember His mighty hand, His outstretched arm. 

There are so many reasons for the Sabbath, but this one just unravels me like so much thick yarn. Because most of the time when my week is derailed, or my mind and heart is overwhelmed by the things of this earth, the magnitude of my To Do list, or the lies sniper-targetting my insecurities or temptations or circumstances...it's because I have forgotten to keep the Lord before me. 

I forget that He moves mountains. 

I forget that He is sovereignly in control of every second. 

I forget that He lights darkness, and gives understanding. 

I forget that He has given His life out of His love, so that His faith can be manifested. 

I forget that faith overcomes this world. 

Now while the fact of my forgetting could feed the machine of lies about why I'm a bad Christian (slave of Christ) etc. etc., it's human to forget and slip and drift away from truth. That's why Jesus said His disciples are the ones who continue in His words. 

If we spend our time chasing the list of our awfulness, we will always end up at our lawlessness which only has judgmental things to say and nothing capable of transforming us.  That is why our gracious God commands us to Sabbath: for our good. Not just for our bodies, or to have mental rest (both of which are valid needs); but because our very life depends on remembering who He is. 

Because of that I am speechlessly excited to reenter the Holy Land as a native of the promises of God, through His grace. I am tingling with memories, and anticipating how my God has already redeemed them, even as I hyperventilate a little. 

Last time I only had knowledge of evil. 

He has given me knowledge of good. 

Last time the only fruit I cared for was self-fulfilling. 

He has given me the opportunity to abide in Him and bear good fruit. 

Last time I stood in the gardens and felt in the very atoms of my being that I should be kicked out. 

He has called out for me "where are you?" and invited me to walk with Him, and talk with Him in the garden of His presence.  

Today in this last Sabbath before Israel, as I pack, and remember, and count the less-than-42 hours between me and the beginning of this journey, I remember the Lord of Sabbath and revel that He has brought me home.